Dilemma...

Yeah, just like the Nelly song.  

I have an acquaintance who is dating a man all ready in a relationship.  I blog about it not to put her business on blast(I promise, none of the 4 of you know her and/or ever will), but just to get my thoughts out there and maybe see her situation from a different perspective.  I'm trying my hardest not to be judgmental, but recently I've resorted to just flat out ignoring her, because I can't stand what I know she's doing.  It's like every other thing that comes out of her mouth is bull because she's a mistress and she doesn't mind being one and actually finds some sort of twisted joy in it.

So I asked myself these questions...basically same thing my husband asked me when I shared with him my dilemma.  

"Why do you care so much?"

Well, she's my friend.  I don't use that term loosely.  I truly, honestly love this woman.   I want her to be happy, but the right way.  The way where a few months down the line she won't be broken hearted because this guy will have gotten what he wanted and has moved on and in the way where she can look in the mirror and not feel like a total skank.  Sorry, I don't know how to sugarcoat that.  Because I don't care what anybody says.  When you are messing with other people's personal lives and you KNOW you're in the wrong...it gets to you.  You may feel numb about it for a while...but it creeps back in and gets you.

"Did I tell her how I feel?"

Yes, pretty much everything I've said on this blog, I've said to her and way, waaay more.  Not so blatantly, because I have tact and know I'm dealing with a "sensitive" issue.  No one realizes their being a dumb A in their dumb A moments.  They just kind of are one and in hindsight they realize their actions sucked.

Here's my take on anyone who's unfaithful.  It's selfish.  Plain and simple. I don't care if you're not getting validated by your damn significant other.  I don't care if you're married to the freakin' nightmare witch from Elm street with built in horns and a pitchfork.  Do it the right way.  Tell them how they make you feel.  Or, get out of the relationship, if it's so toxic.  Don't go screw around behind their back with some other person.  If you can't fix what you have at home, what makes you think that going outside the home and involving others is going to make things "less complicated."  Really?  Seriously.  Do people really think that makes sense in their head?

And here's another thing.  If you're going to be a mistress/skank/player...whatever you want to call it.  Be real about it. That's such a walking contradiction...but still...if you're gonna be a skank, be a skank, loud and proud and stamp it on your forehead so when us married folks see you coming we can "hide our husbands" like Antoine says.  LMBO.  Just sayin'.

I guess it frustrates me because she's a person that I've known for years...and this is not the person I know, the person I love.  And I guess I can't change that.  People change and I can't make her do something she clearly doesn't see as being wrong because she's finding some measure of happiness in it, even though there are kids and another woman involved.  It makes me sad more than anything.  I don't know how someone can intentionally hurt another woman and her kids because she wants to feel like a teenager again.  Even worse, I don't know how this guy is okay with hurting his own kids and "fiance" for a little "secret friendship" as he likes to refer to it.  Yeah, he's a douche.  Why does it feel like we live in a world where if you want it, take it.  Screw the people who are hurt in the process.  Really?  Is this what we've come to?  Every man for himself and too bad if you get the short end of the stick.  It just seems so "anga'i manu" as my Tongan folks would say.  Last I checked, we were still called the "human" race...too bad the animals act more human than we do sometimes.

I hope this friend knows that when all is said and done...I'm still here for her.  Right now though, I have to step aside as her friend...because I can't condone what she's doing, I can't turn a blind eye to it.  I can't look my husband and son in the face and say, I'm friends with a woman who is hurting another person's family.  Someone who feels just as passionately about her husband and kids as I do.

*(edited 6-29-2011)