Dilemma...

Yeah, just like the Nelly song.  

I have an acquaintance who is dating a man all ready in a relationship.  I blog about it not to put her business on blast(I promise, none of the 4 of you know her and/or ever will), but just to get my thoughts out there and maybe see her situation from a different perspective.  I'm trying my hardest not to be judgmental, but recently I've resorted to just flat out ignoring her, because I can't stand what I know she's doing.  It's like every other thing that comes out of her mouth is bull because she's a mistress and she doesn't mind being one and actually finds some sort of twisted joy in it.

So I asked myself these questions...basically same thing my husband asked me when I shared with him my dilemma.  

"Why do you care so much?"

Well, she's my friend.  I don't use that term loosely.  I truly, honestly love this woman.   I want her to be happy, but the right way.  The way where a few months down the line she won't be broken hearted because this guy will have gotten what he wanted and has moved on and in the way where she can look in the mirror and not feel like a total skank.  Sorry, I don't know how to sugarcoat that.  Because I don't care what anybody says.  When you are messing with other people's personal lives and you KNOW you're in the wrong...it gets to you.  You may feel numb about it for a while...but it creeps back in and gets you.

"Did I tell her how I feel?"

Yes, pretty much everything I've said on this blog, I've said to her and way, waaay more.  Not so blatantly, because I have tact and know I'm dealing with a "sensitive" issue.  No one realizes their being a dumb A in their dumb A moments.  They just kind of are one and in hindsight they realize their actions sucked.

Here's my take on anyone who's unfaithful.  It's selfish.  Plain and simple. I don't care if you're not getting validated by your damn significant other.  I don't care if you're married to the freakin' nightmare witch from Elm street with built in horns and a pitchfork.  Do it the right way.  Tell them how they make you feel.  Or, get out of the relationship, if it's so toxic.  Don't go screw around behind their back with some other person.  If you can't fix what you have at home, what makes you think that going outside the home and involving others is going to make things "less complicated."  Really?  Seriously.  Do people really think that makes sense in their head?

And here's another thing.  If you're going to be a mistress/skank/player...whatever you want to call it.  Be real about it. That's such a walking contradiction...but still...if you're gonna be a skank, be a skank, loud and proud and stamp it on your forehead so when us married folks see you coming we can "hide our husbands" like Antoine says.  LMBO.  Just sayin'.

I guess it frustrates me because she's a person that I've known for years...and this is not the person I know, the person I love.  And I guess I can't change that.  People change and I can't make her do something she clearly doesn't see as being wrong because she's finding some measure of happiness in it, even though there are kids and another woman involved.  It makes me sad more than anything.  I don't know how someone can intentionally hurt another woman and her kids because she wants to feel like a teenager again.  Even worse, I don't know how this guy is okay with hurting his own kids and "fiance" for a little "secret friendship" as he likes to refer to it.  Yeah, he's a douche.  Why does it feel like we live in a world where if you want it, take it.  Screw the people who are hurt in the process.  Really?  Is this what we've come to?  Every man for himself and too bad if you get the short end of the stick.  It just seems so "anga'i manu" as my Tongan folks would say.  Last I checked, we were still called the "human" race...too bad the animals act more human than we do sometimes.

I hope this friend knows that when all is said and done...I'm still here for her.  Right now though, I have to step aside as her friend...because I can't condone what she's doing, I can't turn a blind eye to it.  I can't look my husband and son in the face and say, I'm friends with a woman who is hurting another person's family.  Someone who feels just as passionately about her husband and kids as I do.

*(edited 6-29-2011)

Nothing to fear but fear itself...

Over three years ago I wrote a novel...it kind of just spilled out of me and I have to say that aside being absolutely terrified of putting myself out there, I am amazed that I was able to do it.  I never thought I could.  Certainly never intended to share it with anyone else but those closest to me.  Then I had to stop and ask, what am I afraid of?  That someone will hate it?  That has to be expected.  Nobody loves 100% of what you do 100% of the time.  So with that being said...here goes fear flying out the window for me.  Well, in this case anyway.  Everything else, I'm still pretty chicken about.  

So, if you're looking for something to pass the time, I'm sharing the chapters maybe a week at a time.  Don't forget to start with the oldest post first.  It has the intro, prologue, then the story begins...yeah, yeah...to much rambling...click here.

Happy reading.

Father's...

Yesterday was Father's Day...

We didn't do anything because my hubby worked a 14 hour shift at work,

but we celebrated on Friday with dinner and a movie.

My husband doesn't really make a big deal of this day...

and I'm sad to admit that I have fallen into the bad habit of not making 

it special for him because I know, he doesn't really care.

Truth is, he probably does care, but doesn't want to make it seem so.

I hope that my son and I do enough in our every day life to show him

how wonderful we think he is, as a husband and a father.

I believe the two go hand in hand.

It's hard to say you love your children but disrespect or dishonor their mother.

A lot of people may not agree with that...but it's how I feel, so there. :P

Anyways...above picture...a favorite.

The birth of our son changed my husband for the better.

Before we had kids...I all ready knew what kind of father he would be...

but the reality of it...is way better than the dream.

He's gentler, more kind, more forgiving, more patient,

more open, more playful, more childlike and so, so proud of his son.

I love the man that being a father has made him.

He was all ready an exceptionally kind hearted, genuine man...

but being a father has magnified it times a million.

He would lay down his life for his son. 

He would lay down his life for me.

I have no doubts about that.

I hope he knows, we would do likewise.

We are so blessed to have him.

Happy Father's Day to all the wonderful men in our lives.

See the blessings...

I just got back from dinner with one of my dearest friends Anna.  She and I are going through so many changes in our lives and I still can't believe that we are both planning on moving away from San Francisco at the same time.  It initially wasn't planned that way.  I was the only who was going to move and then changes started taking place at her work and now she is also relocating to Southern California.  I always love talks with Anna, she's a "glass half full" kind of person and I'm so grateful that she is the way she is.  


We talked about the changes going on in her life and mine.  She's one of the very few people who supported our decision for me to stay home from work.  Even though it really was no one else's decision to make, it really is funny how some people think they should have a say...and then they wait to see if you'll fall on your face for the choices that you've made.  I'm sure I've said it before, but I'll say it again.  Nothing is sadder than a human being who finds joy in another person's misery.


I'm happy to say that quitting my job has been the BEST decision we could have ever made as a family.  The rewards of being home with Famani si'i each day and seeing the things that he learns and understands and teaches me are phenomenal.  


Another blessing that has come from it that I wasn't expecting at all was how differently my husband and I take our roles as mother and father now.  Although he works both jobs nearly five days a week, he's been so much more attentive as a father and a husband.  He has so much more patience with our son than he did before and he appreciates the little time that they have together.  Famani si'i in return calls his Dad several times a day just to see how he is and tell him he misses and loves him.  He knows his Dad is physically away from home but his heart is with us even though he isn't there.  I didn't expect that.  I honestly thought he would just work and neglect all his other duties, but in fact they have improved.  He feels more responsible all around.  I am feeling the same with my role as a wife and mother.  I don't want to waste the time that I have being idle.  My mind isn't so cluttered and stressed with insignificant things.  My role is clear and defined, and I am so loving that.  I am so loving that I have a purpose.  Although I don't see the rewards daily, I know the things I do and teach my son today will affect him in the future.  Hopefully for the better.  There is no more important role in my life right now than to teach my child to be a good, decent, honest, loving and genuine human being.  I don't think that's a demotion by any means.  If anything, it's the most important job as a parent that I have.

The SAHM life...

No one has been more excited about me being a stay at home Mom than my son.

Every day he woke and I was still sleeping next to him, he'd ask,

"you stay home with me Mom? No work?"

When I'd tell him yes, he'd start to giggle.

That in itself has made the decision worth it.

The last three weeks have been busy, busy, busy.

We went to Utah to see my family right away because I was so homesick for them.

The time spent there only confirmed how much I want to live closer to my family.

My son had such a blast being with his cousins, but it's very obvious he's an only child.

I know he enjoyed having kids to play with daily.

My feelings about my parents getting old and needing as much help from

their children as possible was right on.

I was thankful to be there with them and see for myself what I

had suspected to be true.

My son has been out of diapers now for almost the entire 3 weeks.

We've had some mishaps, but mostly it's been going very well.

He's a very smart kid and I think once he understood that I wasn't 

going to put a diaper on him again, he knew his choices were limited.

He's gotten comfortable enough to tell others to take him to the

bathroom, if I'm not there.  

I know seeing all his cousins use the bathroom was a huge help too.

I'm so thankful he picked it up so fast.

Now that I can cross potty training off my list...

we'll move on to the many other things I've wanted to have accomplished for my family.

It's been wonderful so far and I'm enjoying every minute of it.