Dilemma...

Yeah, just like the Nelly song.  

I have an acquaintance who is dating a man all ready in a relationship.  I blog about it not to put her business on blast(I promise, none of the 4 of you know her and/or ever will), but just to get my thoughts out there and maybe see her situation from a different perspective.  I'm trying my hardest not to be judgmental, but recently I've resorted to just flat out ignoring her, because I can't stand what I know she's doing.  It's like every other thing that comes out of her mouth is bull because she's a mistress and she doesn't mind being one and actually finds some sort of twisted joy in it.

So I asked myself these questions...basically same thing my husband asked me when I shared with him my dilemma.  

"Why do you care so much?"

Well, she's my friend.  I don't use that term loosely.  I truly, honestly love this woman.   I want her to be happy, but the right way.  The way where a few months down the line she won't be broken hearted because this guy will have gotten what he wanted and has moved on and in the way where she can look in the mirror and not feel like a total skank.  Sorry, I don't know how to sugarcoat that.  Because I don't care what anybody says.  When you are messing with other people's personal lives and you KNOW you're in the wrong...it gets to you.  You may feel numb about it for a while...but it creeps back in and gets you.

"Did I tell her how I feel?"

Yes, pretty much everything I've said on this blog, I've said to her and way, waaay more.  Not so blatantly, because I have tact and know I'm dealing with a "sensitive" issue.  No one realizes their being a dumb A in their dumb A moments.  They just kind of are one and in hindsight they realize their actions sucked.

Here's my take on anyone who's unfaithful.  It's selfish.  Plain and simple. I don't care if you're not getting validated by your damn significant other.  I don't care if you're married to the freakin' nightmare witch from Elm street with built in horns and a pitchfork.  Do it the right way.  Tell them how they make you feel.  Or, get out of the relationship, if it's so toxic.  Don't go screw around behind their back with some other person.  If you can't fix what you have at home, what makes you think that going outside the home and involving others is going to make things "less complicated."  Really?  Seriously.  Do people really think that makes sense in their head?

And here's another thing.  If you're going to be a mistress/skank/player...whatever you want to call it.  Be real about it. That's such a walking contradiction...but still...if you're gonna be a skank, be a skank, loud and proud and stamp it on your forehead so when us married folks see you coming we can "hide our husbands" like Antoine says.  LMBO.  Just sayin'.

I guess it frustrates me because she's a person that I've known for years...and this is not the person I know, the person I love.  And I guess I can't change that.  People change and I can't make her do something she clearly doesn't see as being wrong because she's finding some measure of happiness in it, even though there are kids and another woman involved.  It makes me sad more than anything.  I don't know how someone can intentionally hurt another woman and her kids because she wants to feel like a teenager again.  Even worse, I don't know how this guy is okay with hurting his own kids and "fiance" for a little "secret friendship" as he likes to refer to it.  Yeah, he's a douche.  Why does it feel like we live in a world where if you want it, take it.  Screw the people who are hurt in the process.  Really?  Is this what we've come to?  Every man for himself and too bad if you get the short end of the stick.  It just seems so "anga'i manu" as my Tongan folks would say.  Last I checked, we were still called the "human" race...too bad the animals act more human than we do sometimes.

I hope this friend knows that when all is said and done...I'm still here for her.  Right now though, I have to step aside as her friend...because I can't condone what she's doing, I can't turn a blind eye to it.  I can't look my husband and son in the face and say, I'm friends with a woman who is hurting another person's family.  Someone who feels just as passionately about her husband and kids as I do.

*(edited 6-29-2011)

Common sense...

Day 16 of Thanksgiving and I'm grateful for a little thing called common sense.  My favorite thing about common sense is this, you don't need a degree to get it, you can't purchase it from a store, it isn't selective.  We are all born with it.  Not all of us use it, but it is an innate part of being human.  Some call it the golden rule, "Do unto to others as you would have them do unto you." 

Venting...

 There is something that has been irritating me lately and I think I just need to get it off my chest so that I can move on.  I would normally just talk to my hubby about it and he'd tell me to get over it and stop taking things so personally, but I can't help it when it concerns my son.  And I also know that if my hubby knew half of these things and the way people have been to our son, he'd actually be sitting in a jail cell right now.  I have noticed pretty much since the second that Famani si'i was born that I take everything quite literally and personally when it comes to him.  When people stare at him when he's having a tantrum, I glare them down and make smart comments like "would you like me to put a muzzle on him."  Then I get the looks like, what the hell is her problem.  I don't mind advice on ways to raise my son and I also know he's not perfect and I have much to teach him, but I can't stand ignorance...especially towards little kids.  I loathe judgement from people who don't know anything about my son, or what kind of personality he has, that he's just naturally active and hyper and curious and annoying and he's only three years old.  For heavens sake he isn't an adult.  The only way he knows how to express frustration is by crying...would they rather he punch them in the face?  I mean is it me or has the whole world become oblivious to the fact that children will not and should not behave as adults.  They are CHILDREN.  I can't stand when I hear about how ADULTS tease him with certain things...it's okay if it's kids his own age teasing him, they don't know better, but ADULTS?  What could you possibly gain from teasing a child to the point where he cries.  Especially when children are so innocent minded?  They don't know that when an adult is teasing them, it's actually being cruel and that it's the adult that looks like an idiot not them.  Don't get me wrong, my son has a great sense of humor...but if he comes and asks for a piece of candy, don't give him an empty wrapper and eat the candy in his face.  Tell him you don't have candy!  I know on most of the instances I am overreacting and I can't shelter him from the cruelty and small mindedness of other people, and eventually he'll grow up and form opinions for himself of the way other's should behave...but while he's a child...he's my responsibility.  If he comes running to me because an adult threw a tennis ball at his head on purpose and laughs about it with their buddies, my first reaction is to grab a bat and beat someone senseless.  But then what am I teaching him?  So I suck it up with tears of anger burning the back of my eyes and I calm down and I comfort my son...but I won't let him around that person anymore...because if a person can hit ANY child...not just my child...and laugh about it...then I feel sorry for them.  

Riddle me this...

I am all that for girl power.  I think  women are amazing beings.  We're not only mentally strong, but physically we are just as able, if not more so than men.  But there are some things that  women do, especially to one another, that I just don't understand.    


Why do we feel that when we have nicer more expensive things than others our worth has magically gone up?  Who's scale are we measuring ourselves by?  I know it happens often with teenagers, but I've seen some adult women go for broke just trying to keep up with the Jones'.  Can we please cut this crap out all ready.  I mean, if you have the money to buy a $3000 purse, more power to you.  Work hard, play hard.  But please don't look your nose down at someone else because they don't.  If your worth lies in things...and those things are burned in a fire or lost in a flood how sad it is to think that any woman would feel that her self worth is lost also.   

When did sex become a weapon?  I mean literally women are pulling it out like it's the only card we have to play.  FYI, men who are only interested in sex will try to find another woman who's willing to give it up more easily than you.  So stop being that girl.  Actually let's all stop being that girl.  If they have no other women to keep running to, then men will be forced to find out what's inside our minds and hearts and not just what's under our clothes.  If we expect men to value us, wouldn't you agree that we have to first place a high value on ourselves?  No man's going to pay $100 for someone wearing a price tag that says $0.50.  C'mon, I'm old school, it's making me blush having to type this.  Keep your pants on and let your mind do the seducing.  We have so much more to offer than just our milkshakes...good grief.

Why do some of us feel better when we kick someone who's all ready face down in the dirt?  It's a crime against nature seeing women do this to each other.  Nobody's life is perfect and no one is perfect (grab a mirror, look into it)...that includes you.  This is for the girl who thinks that stealing a man's husband makes her the "winner."  Trust me honey, you would be on the "losers" end.  And the woman who thinks her child is better than everyone else's and she will stop at nothing, including sabatoging a poor helpless individual to put her child on top.  It's unnecessary and a little bit cuckoo.  Or the women who gossip about other women and all their horrible choices while patting themselves on the back for a job well done.  Nothing is sadder than a human being who finds joy in another's misery.  Even if they deserve it, even if they brought it upon themselves.  Who are you?  Take care of yourself and your family and don't worry about what other people are doing.  Unless they bring it to your doorstep, just let them be.  There is a wiser, kinder more just God who lives and He'll make the necessary judgments.  

Our gifts as a women are infinite, therefore we are priceless.  

Let's please behave accordingly.