This one's for my babe...

Eleven years ago I did the craziest thing I've probably ever done in my life...I married a man I had known for only 8 months, and 3 of those months were by phone.  
  

Out, went the checklist I had made about my perfect man (one of them being, NOT a fob from Tonga) and the amount of time I alloted myself to get to know him before marriage (one year minimum).   We are both Tongan but with his being raised in Tonga and my being raised in America, we may as well have been from Mars and Venus.  

Early in our marriage there were times I said to myself, "What the hell was I thinking?"   We've been through A LOT together and then some...from cultural differences, to disagreements about roles we play in our marriage, my little pet peeve of his kava drinking habit, even being encouraged to leave me so many times by different people because we didn't have kids and yet he's stood by me. 
  

The times where he's blessed my life beyond words are far more numerous than the bad times.  His heart is genuinely kind.  He loves my family and my sisters and protects them as fiercely as I do.  His friendship with our son is love in action at it's purest form. 

Eleven years in and I can truthfully say I am looking forward to eternity.  He continues to amaze me, he can still make me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.  He continues to love me despite my endless mood swings, anxiety attacks, weight fluctuations (okay, okay, weight increases), and unfinished personal goals.  

He reminds me daily that he is not perfect and likewise I remind him that neither am I...so we're two imperfect people learning what it means to perfectly love.    

Each day the eternal view of the man I fell in love with years ago comes to fruition and it's one of my life's miracles to witness.  

Happy Anniversary my love. 

Reality check 1, 2, 3...

I don't know about anyone else, but General Conference weekend always put me back in check.  I wish it happened more often than just twice a year, but I'll take what I can get when it comes to snapping me into reality and back to what REALLY, TRULY matters.  

1) Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ LIVE...without them I am LITERALLY nothing.  Because I know that they do exist and that belief in them isn't just some trumped up conspiracy that somebody made up, everything and everyone in my life has meaning.  Even the so called "bad people" and "bad things" that happen in my life have a purpose.  I was asked once "What if you die, and you realize all of it was fake and there is no God?"  Although the query made me so sad because it came from a loved one, it just reaffirmed my testimony in the existence of a truly loving and merciful Heavenly Father.  My answer was and still is this.  I cannot wake up in the morning and see the sun rise and say God does not exist.  I cannot look at the faces of the people I love and think that God would allow me to love them only for a time and not offer an opportunity for His children to be with their loved ones forever.  I cannot witness the birth of a child and say that man, or evolution, or science is responsible for this...some things cannot be explained, even if you can explain how it happens, you cannot explain who makes it happen.  When I witness the kindness of strangers or make a friend that I seem to have known for an eternity, I know that it is GOD reminding me that He is still there.  No one can rationalize that knowledge away from me.  

2) My family...I don't believe it's blood that makes you a member of a family, I think it's a genuine love and respect for each other.  They give me accountability for actions and inaction.  When I do or say something, I think about how it will affect my husband, my son, my parents, my sisters, my brother, my friends.  Most of the time I probably embarrass them, but sometimes I make them proud, and those are the times I know my life is on track.  They are my daily self check and I am grateful for that.

3) Forgiveness...it's sooo hard to do when it comes to people who've hurt me, and sometimes even harder to do when I'm the one who needs to forgive myself.  But it's POWERFUL...I've seen it literally work MIRACLES in my life.  It's a two way street, give and receive.  It reminds me that I am NOT PERFECT and so I am never above forgiving others.  Forgiveness helps me see the sinner, the person inside, instead of the sin.  But what I love about it most is it isn't an excuse.  It doesn't give me a free pass to do hurtful and vicious things to others.  It makes me responsible for my actions always, but in case I fall short...which I so often do, it gives me a redeeming chance.  No one can take that away from me.  Jesus Christ makes this possible for all of us...for this I am so grateful.


It's time for me to try again to become the person my Heavenly Father intended me to be, it's difficult, but not impossible. 

My little trio...

Just wanted to give a quick update on my family.  We are alive and well in South San Francisco, CA.  We are both full time working parents, so we cherish the time we have together as a family.  Our son is the highlight of our life, and we really can't remember what we used to do to fill the time before we were blessed with him.  He and my hubby share the same name Siona (Jonah in English which I love), but they both are known as Famani and Famani si'i.  It's a family nickname so I keep it.  My hubby and I are the oldest 30 something year olds ever, but we're both like that so we get along.  We've been married almost eleven years so we're in that comfortable stage.  We know one another's faults, but we don't use it against each other.  We disagree a lot, but we don't fight.  Most of our arguments can be resolved with a simple I'm sorry.  Forgiveness is HUGE in our home.  No grudges.  Don't give unless you want to and don't complain or whine about it later.  We're grateful for the Gospel and know that because our goals are eternal, we try not to sweat the little stuff.  And believe me, 99% of it is little stuff when you're looking at the big picture.  We let the past stay in the past and focus on our future.  I really find joy in being married.  It's ALOT of hard work but the rewards are worth it.  Our priority is our family.  Famani si'i is an old soul like his parents.  He's more comfortable around older kids and adults than he is with kids his own age.  When he is around his age group, he thinks they are babies and he's the boss.  His favorite person in the world right now is his baby cousin Mafile'o.  Whenever he sees him, he wants to give him a hug.  

We know that living away from the rest of his little cousins he misses out on a lot.  And since we have no idea if Heavenly Father will bless us with another little spirit to raise, we love that baby Le'o is nearby.  His best friend is his Dad and he tells him several times a day, "Daddy, you're my best friend."  I have no idea where he got that from.  He loves, loves, loves his Grandma Fai'ana.  I think she's been with him for the majority of his life. He spent about 8 months of his life in Tonga with my hubby's parents and  is very much a Tongan boy.  He speaks both Tongan and English and my hubby and I make it a point to speak to him as much as we can in Tongan.  I want him to know his language and his culture...well the good parts about it anyway.  He loves all books and pretends he knows how to read them, his favorite story is Pig, Pig.  He's very much a little boy, loves balls, loves to just be ACTIVE, I get tired just watching him run around.  You know that feeling you get when you've just received something that you absolutely LOVE.  Every moment with my son is like that.  He just brings absolute joy to my heart.  I love my boys, I can't put into words the sense of belonging they give me.  I know with them I will always be safe to be exactly who I am.  

I've learned...

It's okay to cry ugly and out loud.


Saying I love you doesn't mean half as much as when you show it. 


All friends aren't meant to be forever...and that's okay.

No matter what they do...they will always be family.

I can't stand the phrase "shut up" (my son just learned it and I want to smack the person who taught it to him) 


Just when I think I know, I honestly have no idea...so don't judge.  

Be silly as often as possible. 

 

 

 

 

 

to think before you speak...sometimes words hurt more than sticks and stones.

Unless you are perfect...everyone deserves a second and sometimes third chance.  


Forgiveness really can make miracles happen.  

Old people ROCK! 

Money does not equal happiness.

Your worst enemy could one day be your best friend.  

It's okay to trust people, even if in the end they screw you over. 

To never apologize for being yourself.   

Roots...

They say to know where you're going you have to know where you came from.  Like most people, my family helps me do that.  Granted, most of their "help" is unsolicited, but for the most part it's needed; I'm just too stubborn to say so.
  
This is one of my favorite pictures of all time.  Most of us would probably say we've had better ones taken of us where we look less "a mohe" (like we just woke up), but none of them were taken this day.  

We came together this day on my Finau side of the family because we had all just learned that Grandma Petesi was diagnosed with cancer and was given 3 months to live.  All her children were there, the majority of her grandchildren (only a couple were missing) and her second generation grandchildren were there.  We sat together as a family sobbing and laughing.   One by one we expressed our deep love and appreciation to the matriarch of our family for doing what she has always done best...bring us together.

Although she went on to live for almost a year after her diagnosis, for me she was gone too quickly.  On a daily basis I wish I could see her, hear her laugh, or complain about her calling me too early in the morning.  She had an invaluable effect on her grandchildren.  We speak of her often and nothing can completely fill the void she's left behind.  

I wish my son had a chance to meet this amazing woman, who hands down, had the biggest influence in making me the person I am today.  But he will not...and that makes me beyond sad.  I try not to let my mind wander into thoughts of her, even the happy memories bring tears that are difficult to control.  In every way she is a mother to me, a grandmother, a tangible example of unconditional love.  Because of her, I know what pure love is, how it can change a life, and a generation. 

If she had it her way she'd still be here, surrounded by her grandchildren, changing diapers with one hand and feeding a baby with the other.  Joking with us about issues with our husbands or boyfriends that we could never talk to our own mothers' about.  Burning yet another dinner because she was outside taking a walk with our kids.  Grandma would live forever if she could and in her own way she does.  Her legacy lives on through her children and grandchildren...even in her absence she continues to do what she does best...bring us together.  

Ofa atu Grandma. 

Gotta love a good sense of humor...

Poster reads:  "MISSING!!! My bike was stolen from my front lawn last week.  It is a one-speed bike with a skull flag and a lighting bolt on it.  The lightning bolt and flag may have been removed.  This bike was a brand new from the store.  NO REWARD.  I don't even want this bike back.  I just wanted to tell you that I hate you bike thief. I hope you ride my bike without a helmet and get hit by a monster truck.  I hope my bike takes you straight to hell." 

Received this in an email from a friend...it cracks me up.  "I hate you bike thief..." is my favorite.  Gives me a good chuckle every time I read it so, thought I'd share.  

Let the blogging begin...

It's an old picture but it was when we officially became the Faeamani 3.  If a picture can tell a thousand words than this one would sum up my life.  And if you think I sell myself short by saying that being a mother and wife define me; then you, in my humble opinion, would be wrong.  At the end of the day...no scratch that...at the end of my life...if I have done right by the two people above, then I have lived a good, meaningful and full life. 

So let me first give credit where credit is due, Thank you to my beautiful sister in law Kassie Feinga for recommending this blog site...I know you did that like last year, below is a picture of the current state of my laptop, thanks to my son.  I found him plucking each key off one by one like they were flowers...note that the page down button now substitutes as the E key, my keys for letters g and h don't work so I have to cut and paste them (who knew the English language had so many words with those letters in it?) and when I press the letter O because there is no key, I get a nice little shock to my right ring finger...keeps me alert...LOL...the two missing keys to the far right, I have no clue what their functions were...a new laptop is on the want list...but sadly, not a priority...the only thing worse than an old ghetto laptop, is a new laptop turned ghetto by my mischievous child...